Celebrity Jeopardy: Mortal Kombat Style!
by ThomasAngryBirds
Summary: A parody series of the Jeopardy skits from SNL, featuring all your favorite kombatants from the Mortal Kombat fighting series! Hosted by Raiden, the God of Thunder, enjoy his suffering as he attempts to host Jeopardy. Who's going to win or lose? Rated for language and possibly death. Viewer discretion is STRONGLY advised!
1. Scorpion, Mileena and Baraka

**A new series from me! This time, it's my first set of Mortal Kombat fanfics, and it's the kombatants themselves on Celebrity Jeopardy, SNL style!**

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**Celebrity Jeopardy: Mortal Kombat Style**

**Episode 1: Scorpion, Mileena and Baraka**

*"Jeopardy!" theme music plays; Raiden is in Alex Trebek's place*

Raiden: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy, Mortal Kombat Edition. I'm your new host, Lord Raiden, God of Thunder, replacement of Alex Trebek, who has found himself stuck somewhere in Outworld. I'd like to ask our contestants not to attack each other with your respective weapons. Let's look at the scores; Scorpion is in second place with negative $9,000.

Scorpion: I will have my vengeance on Sub-Zero for killing my family!

Raiden: *firmly* Not on this game show, Scorpion. You can attack him afterward.

Scorpion: *huffs* Very well… *crosses arms*

Raiden: Moving on… In first place with zero is Mileena, who seems to be making a teddy bear for some reason I don't know or want to care about.

Mileena: *giggles; shows the teddy bear* All finished! All for my Scorpy-worpy!

Scorpion: I've told you once, I'll tell you again… I HATE TEDDIES! *takes the bear, throws it to ground and stomps on it*

Mileena: Aww… it took me all of the first round to make that!

Scorpion: I don't care! *grunts and looks away*

Raiden: *not taking any notice* Very sweet… And lastly, in third place is Baraka with negative $42,000.

Baraka: *produces his blades from his arms* When I win this battle, I will eat my opponents' hearts!

Raiden: *annoyed* Baraka, this is Jeopardy!, not the battle itself. Put those blades back in your arms.

Baraka: *grunts and does so, scowls at Raiden*

Raiden: Better luck to all of you in the next round. Time for Double Jeopardy; here are the categories for this round: "Potent Potables", "Fruit or Vegetable?" – we show you a food and I ask whether or not it's a fruit or vegetable. Next we have "Weapons", "Birds That Are Angry", "Asian Actors", "Video Game Franchises", and finally "Famous Blue Tank Engines". I should add the answer to every question in that category is Thomas.

Mileena: Oooh, Thomas! As in, the president?

Baraka: *to Mileena* You are one crazy chick, you know that?

Raiden: He has a point. Anyway, Mileena, you are the leader, so you pick first.

Mileena: I want "Presents to Give to Scorpy-worpy" for $800!

Scorpion: *silently growls and burns*

Raiden: That's not a category. We've been through this at least five times. How about "Birds That Are Angry" for $400? "This game developed by Rovio involves birds, a slingshot, and pigs." *Baraka buzzes in* Baraka.

Baraka: Pigs? I eat them for breakfast, along with human hearts, human torsos, animal heads- *buzzer*

Raiden: Please do not go into gory details about your daily life.

Baraka: *snarls*

*Scorpion buzzes in*

Raiden: Scorpion?

Scorpion: What is it?!

Raiden: You buzzed in. *Mileena buzzes in* Mileena?

Mileena: Cuddly teddy bears? *buzzer* Aww…

Raiden: *sighs* Why did I sign up for this? The answer was "Angry Birds". Also, please answer in the form of a question. Scorpion, you pick.

Scorpion: Fine... "Weapons" for $800!

Raiden: Very well. For $800, *a picture of sais appears against a pink background* name those weapons. Mileena, you might want to ring in here. *Baraka buzzes in* Baraka.

Baraka: It's a butter knife! *buzzer*

Raiden: What did I just say about answering in the form of a question? *Scorpion buzzes in* Scorpion.

Scorpion: What is a sword? *buzzer*

Raiden: No. *Mileena buzzes in* Finally, Mileena.

Mileena: It's that bluey sister's fans of hers! *buzzer*

Raiden: The answer was your sais, Mileena! How the hell could you not know your weapon of choice?!

Mileena: I love Scorpy-worpy! *hugs Scorpion, who is clearly pissed*

Scorpion: Get off of me or I WILL KILL YOU!

Raiden: *hangs head* How the Elder Gods will banish me for this… *annoyed* Mileena, get off of him this instant!

Mileena: *scowls and does so, hissing at Raiden*

Raiden: Urgh. Let's just go with "Fruit or Vegetable?" for $200. *screen shows corn on the cob* Is corn on the cob a fruit or vegetable? *Mileena buzzes in* I'd rather not, but Mileena…

Mileena: A fruit! *buzzer*

Raiden: No, and since it isn't a fruit, that only leaves one correct answer. *Baraka buzzes in* Baraka.

Baraka: Scorpion doesn't like Mileena, does he? I think he's a fruit!

Scorpion: How DARE you! *buzzer*

Raiden: I know what you're trying to do, Baraka, so stop it. *Scorpion buzzes in* Scorpion.

Scorpion: What is a fruit? *buzzer*

Raiden: Can you all be serious? Corn is a bloody vegetable!

Baraka: *looking at Scorpion* How's he a vegetable? He looks healthy for a dead guy.

Scorpion: *growls in rage, burns hotter*

Mileena: *turned on* Oooh, sexy!

Raiden: *frustrated groan* Baraka, please choose a category!

Baraka: *chuckles at seeing Scorpion mad* I'll take the video game thingy.

Raiden: *relaxes* Very well, "Video Game Franchises" for $400. The answer is "This franchise is about two Italian plumber brothers saving Princess Peach from Bowser."

*no one answers, more clues are revealed*

Raiden: *continues* "Their trademark colors are red and green, and their initials 'M' and 'L'. They are 'Super Mario Bros.'" Please somebody say, "Who are the Super Mario Bros." Come on; anyone?

*still no one answers; Scorpion buzzes in*

Raiden: Thank the Gods, Scorpion.

Scorpion: Are they Ermac and Reptile?

Raiden: *flustered* No! They're Mario and Luigi!

Scorpion: I don't have a damn clue, then!

Raiden: *heavy sigh* A dark day in Jeopardy history. Why don't we go for Final Jeopardy? Your category is… *rips card* Why don't you tell me what you are currently wearing? It's that easy.

*Final Jeopardy music plays*

Raiden: We'll take any answer. You could be wearing boots, pants, or a mask for all I care. Just write down what you are wearing.

*Final Jeopardy music ends*

Raiden: Time's up, let's start with Scorpion. I can't tell, but you look very pleased with yourself. You wrote down…

[A BOOT]

Raiden: You're wrote down "a boot", excellent! You wagered…

[UP SUB-ZERO'S ASS]

Raiden: *groans* How did I not see that coming?

Scorpion: I will find Sub-Zero and kick his ass to hell when I see him next.

Raiden: *sarcastically* Sure you will. *walks over to Mileena* Let's see what Mileena here wrote. She put down…

[I LUV]

Raiden: "I luv". *stares* Let me guess; Scorpion restraint yourself while I reveal her wager…

[MY SCORPY-WORPY]

Raiden: Close enough. So sweet it's sickening…

Mileena: *giggles* Yes! I love you, Scorpy-worpy! Please marry me!

Scorpion: That does it! *takes off his mask, and tries to set Mileena alight, but she dodges and Scorpion accidentally burns Baraka*

Baraka: *screams in agony as he burns to death*

Dan Forden: *voice over* TOASTY!

Shao Kahn: *voice over* Scorpion wins! Fatality!

Mileena: Missed me, you sly dog!

Scorpion: *growls* Get over here, bitch! *chases after Mileena*

Raiden: *groans* We'll deal with them later… *walks over to Baraka's podium* Let's see if Baraka wrote down anything before he got roasted.

[BO' RAI CHO MUST DIE!]

Raiden: "Bo' Rai Cho must die…" how appropriate for a TV show… Let's see what he wagered…

[SHAOLIN MONKS WILL DIE!]

Raiden: "Shaolin Monks will die…" *sweatdrops* I hope the Chinese don't have my ass for this… *turns to audience* Well, this show's come to an end, and it wasn't well.

*Raiden turns and sees Mileena and Scorpion fighting; Scorpion spears Mileena*

Scorpion: COME HERE!

Mileena: *chews on Scorpions face, and jumps off, giggling*

Raiden: Ugh… That'll be it for Celebrity Jeopardy, *shakes head* I don't know what to do… *leaves in frustration leaving Scorpion and Mileena to destroy the studio*

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**If you got some of the jokes, "well done!" Yes, the teddy bear was a gag from Challenge Tower #20 - I Hate Teddies! Scorpion/Mileena forever! I think Raiden makes a perfect Alex Trebek, and I was thinking of using Shang Tsung for Sean Connery and Johnny Cage as Burt Reynolds. That'd be a lotta fun.**

**Who should compete in future episodes? I know Shang Tsung will be a competitor for next time. This is what the kast will be for each story: Raiden, Shang Tsung, female kontestant, and male kontestant #2.**


	2. Smoke, Jade, and Shang Tsung

**Since at least two people see potential in this, time you got another Jeopardy round, MK style! Round 2... READ AND REVIEW!**

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**Celebrity Jeopardy: Mortal Kombat Style!**

**Episode 2: Smoke, Jade and Shang Tsung**

**Thanks to Masterdragon1 for the Idea**

*"Jeopardy!" theme music plays*

Raiden: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy, Mortal Kombat edition. Let's take a look at the scores; Smoke is in second place with negative $6,900.

Smoke: *strikes several poses* Where there is smoke, there is fire!

Raiden: Great. Uh, Jade is in first place with $0.

*Jade jumps onto her podium, striking poses*

Jade: I challenge you to a fight!

Raiden: *raises to calm her down* Take it easy, Jade. This isn't a fighting tournament, this is for charity.

Jade: Oh. *somersaults back to behind her podium* Then this will be easy.

Raiden: *grunts* You didn't buzz in once during the first round. Lastly, in third place with negative $14,400… Shang Tsung.

Shang Tsung: Those categories in the last round didn't have any souls.

Raiden: There's a different reason for that, Shang. Better luck to all of you in the next round. Time for Double Jeopardy, and the categories are… "Realms", "Finishing Moves", "Potpourri," "Potent Potables", "Horror Flicks", "Time Travel", and lastly, "Automatic Points." Choose the last category, and you are automatically given the points. Jade, you're leading, so you pick first. May I recommend "Automatic Points"?

Jade: No, I don't want that one. I'll take "Time Travel" for $600, Raiden.

Raiden: *nods* Alright. The answer is; "This trilogy starring Michael J. Fox is about a teenage boy trying to get 'back' to the 'future'." *Shang Tsung buzzes in* Shang Tsung.

Shang Tsung: Michael of the Future! *buzzer*

Raiden: That is incorrect.

Shang Tsung: It's a better answer. I deserve double points, Thunder God!

Raiden: It was a wrong answer! You get nothing!

*Shang Tsung gives Raiden the middle finger*

Raiden: Okay, that was completely unnecessary. *Smoke buzzes in* Smoke.

Smoke: Time travel gives me the goosebumps. This one time, Sub-Zero and I were in the forest, and we found ourselves stuck in the aftermath of- *buzzer*

Raiden: This is no time for your stories, Smoke. *Shang Tsung buzzes in* Mr. Tsung, you already rang in.

Shang Tsung: I'm telling you; Michael of the Future is a better answer!

Raiden: Just shut up. Jade, you pick again.

Jade: I'll take "Finishing Moves" for $400!

Raiden: "This finishing move by Scorpion is an Easter Egg in Mortal Kombat II." *Jade buzzes in*

Jade: What is an Easter egg? *buzzer*

Raiden: I'm sorry, that's wrong.

Jade: No, I'm asking you; what is an Easter egg? I never heard of one. *Shang Tsung buzzes in*

Raiden: Shang Tsung, name this finishing move.

Shang Tsung: Your mother!

Raiden: *hangs head* I hate you. *Smoke buzzes in* Smoke?

Smoke: Yeah, and Sub-Zero and I, we are stuck in the aftermath of Armageddon. There's a big powerful dude that looks strangely like Shao Kahn- *buzzer*

Raiden: *groans* This is not going well… The answer was "Toasty".

Shang Tsung: Just like your mother, Thunder God! *chuckles*

Raiden: Shut up. I'd let Smoke pick a category, but he might ramble on with one of his nonsense stories, so I'll let Shang Tsung pick.

Shang Tsung: The game's afoot. I'll take "Horror Chicks" for $800!

Raiden: What? *looks at board, then back to Shang Tsung*

Shang Tsung: *laughs*

Raiden: That's "Horror Flicks", not "Horror Chicks"!

Shang Tsung: *laughs, then stops* Not a fan of the girls, are you, Thunder God? You must be a fruit, then. *looks over to Jade* I think he likes you, green.

Jade: *in shock, indignantly* Shang, you are such an ass!

Raiden: *nods* The category is "Horror Flicks", and the answer is… "This 1975 Steven Spielberg flick was about a killer shark." *Shang Tsung buzzes in* Ergh… Shang Tsung?

Shang Tsung: Sonya Blade! *buzzer*

Raiden: FLICKS, Mr. Tsung, NOT chicks!

Shang Tsung: *frowns* Bah. Thunder God? More like Fruity God!

Raiden: *sarcastically* Nice… Anyone else? *Smoke buzzes in* Smoke,

Smoke: Who is Drew Barrymore? *buzzer*

Raiden: What did I just say?

Shang Tsung: *to Smoke; in sensei like manner* Well done; you are learning well, my friend.

Smoke: Gee, thanks! *Jade buzzes in, quite disturbed*

Raiden: Jade.

Jade: I have no idea what the hell is up with boys today.

Raiden: You and me both. The answer was "Jaws". How about you pick this time, Smoke?

Smoke: Give me… erm… no, I'll take… uh… I choose… no… uh…

Raiden: *annoyed* I'll pretend you said "Finishing Moves" for $400. *Daily Double noise* And it's a Video Daily Double. Here goes nothing; please pay attention to this finishing move…

*shows Kano and Kabal fighting at the Graveyard Stage from Mortal Kombat 3; Kabal uppercuts Kano*

Announcer: *voice over* FINISH HIM!

*Fatality music; Kabal removes his mask, revealing his disfigured face, screams at the screen and his hair rises, then does the same to Kano, literally, scaring Kano's soul out of him; Kano falls dead, Kabal does his victory pose*

Announcer: *voice over* Kabal wins… Fatality!

*video ends; no one buzzes in*

Raiden: No one knows? Can someone ring in and tell which finishing move Kabal used? *Shang Tsung buzzes in* I'd rather not, but at least someone's answering, Shang Tsung.

Shang Tsung: He stole that guy's soul! *buzzer*

Raiden: That's your finishing move, Shang. Anyone else? *Smoke buzzes in* Smoke?

Smoke: Is it… the head inflation?

Raiden: *agitated* No! It was the freaky face!

Shang Tsung: Just like what I used to-

Raiden: Shut up! *clearly frustrated* Let's move on to Final Jeopardy. The category is "American Presidents". Wait, no, I'm sorry. My bad; that's wrong. All you have to do is write down your name.

*Final Jeopardy music plays; the contestants write down a lot*

Raiden: There's no reason all of you should write so much. It'll only take a few seconds at least. If you write down a letter in your name, we'll accept it as well.

*Final Jeopardy music ends*

Raiden: Let's see what you wrote down. We'll start with Smoke who's looking quite guilty there. What did he write down?

[5]

Raiden: A number five. You were to write your own name down, and you got it wrong. *shakes head* I'm speechless.

Smoke: I thought it was how many letters in your name?

Raiden: You thought wrong, so we're skipping your wager.

Smoke: Oh… *shoulders slump*

Raiden: Moving on. Let's see what you put down, Jade. Feel confident in yourself?

Jade: Mm-hmm.

Raiden: Let's see your answer…

[Shows two circles close together, both have two curls on top of them, almost like stick figure hair]

Raiden: Why'd you draw two circles?

Jade: You wanna check my wager?

Raiden: Oh, I suppose.

[Shows the two circles are stick-figure heads; the stick-figure girls are side-hugging, one holding a fan, the other a pole. Below it is the text "KITANA + JADE", and below that "BFFs"]

Jade: You know it; Kitana, if you're watching; you're my very best friend in all of Edenia!

*audience "awws"*

Raiden: Touching. Let's move on to Shang Tsung. Did you write your name down?

[Shang Tsung]

Raiden: And you did! *smiles* Well done, Mr. Tsung! It wasn't hard, was it?

Shang Tsung: *chuckles* It was cake.

Raiden: Let's see your wager then…

[Shang Tsung]

[thinks Raiden is a fruit]

Shang Tsung: *laughs loudly*

Raiden: *disappointed* How did I not see that coming?

Shang Tsung: Because it's true! *continues laughing*

*Raiden walks to center stage*

Raiden: Well, nobody won, sadly.

Jade: I won. I got negative $400.

Raiden: But you didn't win.

Jade: Of course I did.

Raiden: *frowns* All three charities will not receive any money, I'm sorry to say. I'm Raiden, and you should be disappointed with yourselves.

Jade: *walks up to Raiden* Seriously, I did win!

Raiden: No, you did not.

Jade: Yes I did. *Raiden looks at her before leaving stage left*

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**Well, Masterdragon1, hope you like this. Just so you know; not every Jeopardy will have Shang Tsung and/or a female in it, just so I can use every character (that is playable in the games, including Sareena) possible (if I ever feature Cyrax and Sektor, they might be humans, not robots). And yes, Smoke is a human in this one.**

**I've planned a Jeopardy with the MK9 DLCs; Skarlet, Rain and Kenshi. I'll also do Jeopardys with Liu Kang and Kitana, Nightwolf and Li Mei (for you, Sirius2013!), Kano and Sonya, etc.**

**Yeah, Shang's a total bastard in this one, isn't he? :P**


End file.
